Honestly, no setup can do the stupidity of this article justice, so lets just start cutting it up. If you're worried I'm taking things out of context, see for yourself, this asinine bullshit is exactly what I am presenting it as.
Following on yesterday’s profile of “cretin,” I thought I’d tackle “idiot” this morning.
What an honor to get a lesson from an expert in the field. The following couple paragraphs are linguistic word history shit, I don't care and neither do you, so we'll skip ahead to this:
So, we can see that “idiot” is ableist from several perspectives. It’s yet another word used to denigrate lack of intelligence, and it’s a word with a history as a specific diagnostic term. So, what can we use as an alternative to “idiot”?
How about "dipshit"? As in "are you seriously writing an article crying about the horrific slander behind the word 'idiot', you fucking dipshit"
One of the things about exploring ableist language is that it forces us to think about the actual meaning of a sentence; when you find yourself wanting to refer to someone as an “idiot” or something as “idiotic,” pause and think about the meaning of what you are trying to say.
Y'know, generally what I'm trying to say when I'm using the word idiot isn't very complimentary, and I can proudly say I usually have a pretty decent understanding of the overall theme I'm trying to convey with my word selections. When I'm at a restaurant trying to get the balsamic vinaigrette on my side salad, very rarely do I accidentally refer to it as a cat rapist.
“Idiot” is also used in rhetoric to talk about someone who is uninformed about an issue or someone who is unaware of the complexities of a topic. In this sense, a value judgment is being made about someone’s intelligence on the basis of the fact that this person is not familiar with the fine and nuanced details of everything on Earth.
What the fuck is this idiotic shit? This excerpt does not word for word say "it's unfair to think somebody is an idiot until you've very thoroughly grilled them on every topic imaginable", but you can certainly argue that is what it is implying. It's more or less saying "just because somebody doesn't know about X doesn't mean they aren't a scholar of Y". That in itself is an accurate statement, but not when it's blanketed to this extreme. Lets see how NO EXCEPTIONS strategy plays out in real life.
"Hello, person with pants on backwards trying to eat the side of a building. Are you aware that attempting to wipe your ass with a belt sander is a poor decision?"
"No, I did not realize that"
"Okay. I have lingering feelings you may be somewhat unintelligent but coming to that conclusion without interviewing you about astrophysics would not be justifyable, so allow us to speak for several more hours"
What the fuck does this have to do with disabled people anyway? Do disabled people get made fun of sometimes? Sure, but it's been a while since I've seen people run up to a guy in a wheelchair to go LOL IDIOT. For a while this article was just a boring entry on the history of a word, which hey, good for you I guess. Then it translated into a rally against "the I word", which, Jesus Christ. Get fucked.
Then, on January 1st this year, something the only reason I wasn't begging for earlier was due to not knowing about the existence of this stunning display of pointlessness (DON'T CALL ME AN IDIOT THOUGH, I KNOW OTHER THINGS) happened.
Dear Readers:
We agreed when we began that this site wouldn’t run indefinitely, that we would move aside when the time has come, and that time has come.
And nothing of value was lost, because they won't fucking get rid of it. In closing, lets read the description of the author.
s.e. smith (who used to appear under the pseudonym ‘meloukhia’) is a genderqueer, fat, white, lower middle class person with disabilities who lives in Northern California.
Okay. So "genderqueer" and "fat" are okay, but "idiot" isn't. What.
Long time coming on this one. Lets talk about Minecraft, Notch's bastard child that was never good, was never a game, and breaks more and more every day. Let's talk.
Minecraft was originally developed as a fun little project by Notch. It, for some unfathomable reason, became immensely popular quite quickly. Why? Why did this happen?
Because in Minecraft, you can do ANYTHING! Anything, meaning, of course, you can build shit with horrendous looking pixel blocks. How exciting. There are also elements of other things, but they're so beyond insulting in how half assed and broken they are, they really should be taken out of the game.
But they can't be, because Minecraft is so completely devoid of content, they must stay. The "first person shooter" aspect, aka build a few stupid weapons and hack away in piss poor animation style at a small collection of things that have no A.I. whatsoever and just run at you even if they can't conceivably get to you, has to stay in the game, because without it, it's just a building program. A pretty shitty one, mind you.
So, instead, we have a building program with unspeakably bad "combat" in it, "combat" that is looked at as an annoyance and not a reason to play the game. That's really great.
Updates come infrequently. They rarely, if ever, address problems in the game, which are numerous. Notch rarely shows up to work, and thinks it's not only okay, but downright funny to post things on social networking sites like "too sick to work today", only to ask who wants to meet him downtown for some drinks several hours later. He's also freely admitted to forcing an update out the door so he could go home and play Portal 2 upon its release. How responsible. At least he's honest, I guess.
He was honest too when he recently decided the next big thing in Minecraft would be to include an addition that allows people to work with the software and improve it. Expand the game. Etc.
He expected people to pay money for this.
The Minecraft community, one of the most biased thumbs up brigades I have ever seen in my life, got pissed at this. So Notch said lol jk it's free. How gracious of you, allowing people to do your job for you for free.
I don't blame him for how he acts, mind you. I don't blame him for not giving a shit about this game. He doesn't need to, because the community rubber stamps this thing to a level that is outrageous. He'd actually be pretty stupid to try at this point.
It is "the best game ever". The music is "beautiful". The pigs are "so cute" (see above, ISN'T IT FUCKING ADORABLE). It doesn't matter. Frankly I gotta hand it to the guy, he's making a ridiculous amount of money off an unfinished piece of shit that isn't even a video game. If I was in the position he was that no matter what I did (or more commonly, didn't do) there were people saying PLEASE TAKE MY MONEY ALSO LET ME DO YOUR JOB PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, I probably wouldn't be busting my ass to improve the product too much either.
Look. I can see how this could briefly be fun with a few friends online, but that's it. Stop calling it the best game ever. It isn't. The 12 year olds telling you Halo 3 is the best game ever look significantly less retarded than you, and don't get me wrong, Halo 3 sucks. Halo 3 sucks a lot.
I didn't really have an exit strategy for this rant, so instead I'll just leave you with this. I think it kinda says it all.
Any of the Notch Defense Force members that read this will probably tell me to get a life. As a preemptive rebuttal to that, please see above video.
Blatant sup. Haven't done one of these in a while.
Look. When you go to a convenience store, keep in mind the convenience part. You know that place around you that you usually don't go to because everything takes a fucking eternity but every now and then you're like WELL I ONLY NEED ONE THING, HOW BAD CAN IT BE? Yeah.
I needed aspirin, though it's pretty irrelevant what I went in there for since I'd need to buy a bottle of fucking aspirin anyway by the time I was leaving. These aren't gel capsules by the way, you lying flesh bags of shit. But I digress.
Two people in front of me. Person one who we'll call Captain Liver Spots takes about ten God damn minutes to buy a bottle of soda and two other things I couldn't see. "Do you have a CVS rewards card?" Hurr yes I do but I have no idea where it is so I'll take literally every card out of my wallet and dump it on the counter. Go fuck yourself.
Then Captain Liver Spots (I call him Livvles for short when we hang out) can't seem to grasp the concept that a ten dollar bill does not cover a $17.63 transaction. So, of course, after throwing the bill at her (not handing it to her, mind you), he stands there like a motherfucking idiot for about a minute before he realizes he needs a twenty. He proceeds to throw that at her.
As he is loading his 45 friggin cards back into his wallet made out of some animal that went extinct about 230 fucking years ago, he inquires "did you take my ten?" "No, it's right in front of you" the cashier explains, as it is directly in front of him in the middle of the cards he's putting away and he doesn't notice. "Oh" he answers, and proceeds to pick it up off the counter and throw it at her. "I don't need that, you gave me a twenty" she explains, handing it back. At that point, I gotta admit, I would have kept it for him being such a fucking asshole. Anyway, he's done.
OR IS HE? Livvles on his way out (this also took a few minutes) notices the newspapers and decides he wants one, so as the woman behind him is making her transactions, he walks over and throws it on the counter and, you guessed it, throws a dollar at her. The cashier elects to give the dollar to the woman so Livvles takes his paper and fucks off, hopefully to go die somewhere.
Then this woman it turns out is buying two bags. Two large bags with handles. The cashier asks, almost sarcastically, "do you want a bag?" "Yes" the woman answers, requesting large bags that are never fucking used and take a couple minutes to locate behind the counter. Because hoooo boy, this lady needs a bag with handles for her motherfucking bags with handles.
She also does the classic dumb broad with a purse move. If you're unaware of what that is, that is when you stand there with a dead fish look on your face until everything you are purchasing is scanned, and then reach for your checkbook to write a check. As if it never occurred to you that you were eventually going to have to pay for this shit until the cashier told you. Eat a bag of dicks.
So yeah, after about 15 minutes, I got my aspirin. My transaction took less than a minute, because I'm not a fucking retard.
Cliches exist for a reason. Nothing makes that more clear than the last 24 hours of my life, Jesus Christ. We've all heard people say they'd love to be a weatherman and get paid to be wrong most of the time, but fuck me sideways with a lunchbox, at what point is it too much. Now they can be wrong ALL of the time?
Last night. Hurr durr snow is coming in but its just a dusting that'll take a couple hours overnight, maybe get a half inch. Wake up, IT'S STILL FUCKING SNOWING AND THERES LIKE THREE INCHES ON THE GROUND. Bravo.
Lol oopz we're jus' kiddin on that one, anyway, this next batch is coming in around 5pm... OH WHOOPS SCRATCH THAT IT'S NOON AND IT'S ALREADY SNOWING, NO BIG DEAL THOUGH, IT'S JUST ANOTHER LIGHT DUSTING BEFORE THE STORM. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE HEAVY SNOWFALL AND SEVERAL MORE INCHES ON THE GROUND, I'M A METEOROLOGIST, MOTHERFUCKER.
But hey, why stop there. There will be a lull of about two hours between storms guys, it's still going to snow though. By which I meant it won't snow for five friggin hours before another metric ton of shit comes along and drops on your fucking head in an increment that it'd be pretty God damn foolish for you to take my word for. PAYCHECK PLZ.
Like, honestly. What is your research process? Three dartboards in a row, location, temperature, weather conditions. Toss toss toss, it's going to be 97 degrees in Ontario with heavy sleet. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know this shit moves around and is a little tough to predict, and I tend to give you guys the benefit of the doubt, but not when you literally fuck up every single aspect of your job for over a day straight. If I'm at a factory building cars and I end up making a chocolate cake instead, I expect somebody to come by and tell me they have a slight problem with my results.
Stay inside tomorrow morning. They're predicting the storm will be gone by dawn, which I've concluded means it's probably going to be the motherfucking apocalypse around that time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shovel the jack shit off my stairs.
Labels: blizzard, fail, northeast, snow storm, weathermen
I meant to change the default text from black to white, because the black text on the red looks like shit. But then I didn't and semester kicks back up tomorrow so I won't have time to unless you tell me. True story.
Also the Jets are fuckwads
Labels: fuckin magnets, html, jets steelers
So, Auburn has been crowned the latest champion. What better time to talk about what a complete joke this "sport" is?
No, I'm not going to get into DURR ONE FOOT IN BOUNDS FOR A CATCH IS STUPID, nobody cares about my spergy views on the actual rules of the game. Lets focus on what a brutally, blatantly, hilariously corrupt business college football is.
Ohio State competed in and won the Sugar Bowl this year. In the days leading up to the game, it was learned that five significant players accepted tattoos in exchange for autographs. Now, according to the NCAA, you can't do shit like that. You're college athletes, not pros, you aren't allowed to take gifts, money, and so on. So, those five players were suspended.
FOR THE BEGINNING OF NEXT YEAR.
Now, you say, but enraged guy on the internet, why would the NCAA do this? Why wouldn't they suspend them for the Sugar Bowl, wouldn't that be a more appropriate punishment? Why let them play in the Sugar Bowl and suspend them next year, when they might not even still be in college?
Money. The Sugar Bowl is a major televised event, and they were star players. Suspending them would hurt the quality of the game, which would make people be less inclined to watch it, which would cost the NCAA money through future sponsors being less interested, and so on.
In other words, the NCAA doesn't give a flying fuck about its own rules when its rules get in the way of the NCAA profiting.
Fucking Cam Newton. Now, can I hold a piece of paper in front of you, say "this proves 100% with no doubt whatsoever Cam Newton accepted money to play for Auburn"? No. I can't do that. I can not factually prove with evidence that Cam Newton did that.
But, lets use our fucking heads here. His father HAS been caught shopping Cam around, trying to get money for his sons dedication to a school. Yes, I'm sure Cam Newton had no fucking idea his father was making money off him, and I'm sure he benefited from it in no way what so fucking ever. In related news, I just brushed my teeth with a fucking leaf rake and am wondering why my mouth has been hurting for the past several minutes.
The NCAA investigated the case. For about 45 seconds. Then they said "whoops, shit, people like watching Cam Newton on television." Shockingly, they found nothing indicating he did anything wrong! If Cam Newton wasn't a star quarterback in a championship game, he would have been barred from NCAA competition in about ten seconds. If he was some douchebag that sits on the sideline and never plays, gone.
But he isn't. He's a star, so the NCAA looks the other way. Much like the case itself, I can't hand you a piece of paper that factually proves NCAA does this, but again, think about it. Doesn't seem too far fetched, does it?
The NCAA is a business, and that is all it is. They care about making money, not about having a legitimate sport. Look at this list of bowl games this year. Instead of a playoff to have a team earn a championship, we have the Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl. We have the Little Caesars Bowl. The NEW ERA PINSTRIPE BOWL. THE NEW ERA PINSTRIPE BOWL? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
As a closing note, go check out Division 2 and Division 3 college football. They have playoffs. They have legitimate championships, because they have top teams compete to get there. You know why they have playoffs and a legitimate sport?
Because nobody watches them and the NCAA can't capitalize on them wasting our collective time with the Hey Look, Another Advertiser Woohoo Bowl. Now, look. They wouldn't be doing this bullshit if it wasn't paying the bills, people watch and the NCAA is a wildly successful business.. The NCAA knows something I don't. Which is weird, I thought I knew half this planet is fucking retarded.
God damn it, the Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg Bowl was on December 21st, I completely forgot. Anybody still got that on their TiVo?
Labels: ncaa sucks
Sigh. If you've never heard of the kid above, he still drives that car in the background around the house too. Probably. Maybe. I dunno. He's five years older than your typical Halo player.
This came up in discussion somewhere else yesterday, and my disdain for Halo aside, I'm not going to rip it exclusively, though it is part of the problem.
Have you SEEN any of these user driven Best Games Of All Time lists? The ones generated by website operators tend to be relatively rational, but ones that anyone with a computer can vote, holy shit.
Find me one that the top three games ever made aren't Halo 3, Gears of War 2, and GTA 4. A bunch of 12 year olds with bad parents get a 360, get a game or two, and boom, that is the best game ever made, period. It's fucking outrageous.
"Fanboys" too, fuck the lot of you. Even if you like something I do. Halo Reach on GameSpot had about two dozen 10.0 "Perfect" ratings from users before the fucking game was released. Killzone 2 for PS3 was THE 360 KILLER and what a bunch of angsty children that needed to defend their console choice rallied behind, again, calling perfect before it was even released.
By the way, if you think I'm exaggerating this shit, I've talked to these kids before. I played Gears Of War (it sucks) and got to talking about Doom with some 12 year old. He thought it was a movie. As in, a movie and nothing else.
I DO NOT LIKE DEBATES THAT BOTH SIDES ARE RETARDED KIDDIES.
I don't really have a lot more to say on this one at the risk of alienating readers that don't give a fuck about video games, but honestly. This is why voters for the Baseball Hall Of Fame need to cover baseball in the media for quite a long time before being given a vote. The idea is so they get a good sampling of what the sport has to offer, as opposed to watching their first baseball game and going OMG EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE FIELD IS LIKE THE BEST PLAYER EVER LOLOLOLOL.
A little more about fanboys first, though. Take a look at these fucking neckbeards.
HNEEEEEHHHHH DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT A VIDEO GAME I LIKE, I'LL BEAT YOU UP IN IT. You can almost feel the stale Fritos falling out of rolls of this guys head fat, eyes wide with terror that somebody doesn't think Super Smash Brothers games are God's gift to dorks. HOLD ON MOM, I CAN'T GO TO BED YET, SOMEBODY ON THE INTERNET IS DISAGREEING WITH ME!
You all gotta take a fucking step back, here. Your precious little game will still be everything you like about it without getting spammed to #1 All-Time on some meaningless list, and it'll still be the same thing if somebody online doesn't like it too.
ALSO IF ANY OF YOU SAY SOMETHING BAD ABOUT BLACK OPS I WILL FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND CUT YOUR BRAKES
Labels: halo reach, i dong bring up, losers, neckbeards, overrated games, retards