Cliches exist for a reason. Nothing makes that more clear than the last 24 hours of my life, Jesus Christ. We've all heard people say they'd love to be a weatherman and get paid to be wrong most of the time, but fuck me sideways with a lunchbox, at what point is it too much. Now they can be wrong ALL of the time?

Last night. Hurr durr snow is coming in but its just a dusting that'll take a couple hours overnight, maybe get a half inch. Wake up, IT'S STILL FUCKING SNOWING AND THERES LIKE THREE INCHES ON THE GROUND. Bravo.

Lol oopz we're jus' kiddin on that one, anyway, this next batch is coming in around 5pm... OH WHOOPS SCRATCH THAT IT'S NOON AND IT'S ALREADY SNOWING, NO BIG DEAL THOUGH, IT'S JUST ANOTHER LIGHT DUSTING BEFORE THE STORM. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE HEAVY SNOWFALL AND SEVERAL MORE INCHES ON THE GROUND, I'M A METEOROLOGIST, MOTHERFUCKER.

But hey, why stop there. There will be a lull of about two hours between storms guys, it's still going to snow though. By which I meant it won't snow for five friggin hours before another metric ton of shit comes along and drops on your fucking head in an increment that it'd be pretty God damn foolish for you to take my word for. PAYCHECK PLZ.

Like, honestly. What is your research process? Three dartboards in a row, location, temperature, weather conditions. Toss toss toss, it's going to be 97 degrees in Ontario with heavy sleet. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I know this shit moves around and is a little tough to predict, and I tend to give you guys the benefit of the doubt, but not when you literally fuck up every single aspect of your job for over a day straight. If I'm at a factory building cars and I end up making a chocolate cake instead, I expect somebody to come by and tell me they have a slight problem with my results.

Stay inside tomorrow morning. They're predicting the storm will be gone by dawn, which I've concluded means it's probably going to be the motherfucking apocalypse around that time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shovel the jack shit off my stairs.

Labels: blizzard, fail, northeast, snow storm, weathermen