So, it's Black Friday. A day that, if you have any desire to participate in as a consumer, you have severe mental problems that are being capitalized upon by large companies laughing at you while commenting on how fucking ridiculous you are for getting up at 3AM to do anything whatsoever, much less buy Jessica Simpson's new CD.

Thankfully, to help you poor bastards cope with the stress of this endeavor, generous shitty mothers throughout the country have taken it upon themselves to bring their sniveling little brats along to make everything take longer and fuck with you.

Go ahead and ask one of these lovely children if they could please move and take their screaming and flailing act out of the direct center of the aisle. It's like a summoning spell for shit parents. They'll pop out from behind some Kinect display and threaten you with a lawsuit or some bullshit, while completely ignoring their sniveling little shit child that's biting your ankle. These parents are some kind of weird breed that live in an alternate dimension and only briefly appear to scream at you when you gently point out their kid is fucking annoying. It's lovely.

But it gets even better! Usually these lectures about how you have no right to mention something pissing off 95% of the people in the store come from a real mom of the year. I find the most enlightening lessons come from pregnant 17 year olds with two kids in a stroller and holes deliberately cut in the ass of their pants. Also, texting "wutz up bb" while bitching at you is a nice touch. Far more effective than eye contact, and saves me the awkwardness of looking directly at the swollen part of your face that might as well have "bitch overcooked my Hungry Man" written on it.

In any event, I suppose my point, if I have one at all, is that this entire concept is ridiculous and it'd be just swell if we could go back to a time that people didn't sit around the table on Thanksgiving saying "hurry up and eat this shit so we can go get Christmas presents".